TEREZIA'S TESTIMONY
.....in 1990 finding myself so lonely in this Texas desert, yet being accepted was well worth coming to this country. But without money and family, my young husband and I struggled to survive. Besides the lack of healthy social life here, there was another difference. The spiritual atmosphere. There was nothing idyllic about it. Even as a normal person (atheis;-) I sensed a strange amount of fear and terror upon this land. I noticed the extreme distrust and isolation of the middle and upper classes, and the neglected state of the dying lower classes...I've never seen so many untreated sick people as the american lower class. It was almost impossible to blend in. But unfortunately our time came to be nicely blended in, just after one year of eating the american food, drinking alcohol and smoking. As an atheist who had my own theology about the Origin of Religions (and God) I turned to mind control and tried to heal myself, but nothing worked. I found myself watching Christian TV one night out of desperation (and from fear at night, as my husband worked nights) and whether they were good Christians or not, I believed what they said. May I add, it was Robert Tilton I watched and believed ;-)) As I never slept a night, just sat in a corner frozen from fear ....fear of break ins, drugged neighbors...., so I smoked in chains, afraid to even think, I grew so weak, I couldn't eat, I was passing out at times, I had irregular heartbeat, and couldn't breathe laying on my back, sometimes was coughing blood. One morning, after a dark night, the clear thought came to me, that I have about 3 months left, I should get myself ready. I felt interested in the idea, but then I realized how much damage it would cause to my family, and I had to keep looking for a cure. As I ran out of ideas. Then came the realization that if there is a God, then He would be the only one who could help me. So I sat up in bed and said: God, if you are real, you are the only one who can heal me. Please heal me. I smoked all night, even more than I used to. So I used up all 3 packs that night, and my husband was furious when he came home. The little money we had went on cigarettes and alcohol and very cheap food. But cigarettes were #1, we could go without alcohol or food, but not cigarettes. In his desperation he threatened me saying, he wont buy anymore cigarettes. I, instead of freaking out, found it interesting to wait and see who'll give up first....and I was determined to see him break. But he didn't. In fact the third night he came home happy, saying someone even offered him cigarettes, and he doesn't feel like smoking anymore.....wow...I was feeling better myself, and told him about my prayer to God. We both agreed that GOD IS GOOD, and HE IS THE UPHOLDER OF ALL THINGS PURE, as opposed to all things bad on this Earth. A joy came over us, and in a week I noticed blush appearing on my husband's still grey but beautiful face The terrorized feeling appeased. One day in 1992 I was reading a book on Smith Wigglesworth's life, and that's when I first heard about Jesus, not yet understanding who He was. But I was impressed with Wigglesworth, the man who was taught to read as an adult, by his own wife, from the Bible. Smith was a simple guy, a plumber. When Smith would gather the lame and homeless, and tell them that they can have soup and bread if they listen to the Bible while they eat.... those who agreed, ate and many got healed miraculously, and received Jesus into their heart. I believed what I read, and asked Jesus to heal me (I had STD). Then I stood front of the big mirror and asked Jesus to come into my heart...watching myself to see if I change ...nothing seemed to happen, but I felt good about it. Next day I awoke, and then it happened.....a change inside must have taken place, because I got out of bed and started walking in the apartment frantically, looking for the source of light that was flooding the place.....my husband assured me that nothing was done to the windows....I went to dress up....I stood at my dresser amazed....what's happening here? What am I gonna wear today? Everything here is BLACK. I never wore anything white, white seemed to be the color of no personality. All the clothes I had were black and shades of grey....yes I had blue jeans (very distressed ones , but most of my tops were black. Then I realized that Jesus must have really come into my heart. Things changed rapidly from then on. Although I still didn't know who Jesus really was, I did notice myself using foul language as my everyday communication, and after I noticed and stopped that, I did notice myself talking to God in my mind while walking long distances. I also became aware of intense spiritual warfare....every night was like a movie...they were threatening me. But I started studying the Bible, even translating it, so I could hang on to what I read. But the enemy is not playing fair....the Lord had to encourage me to do and keep doing what I believed. The pressing fear that used to drive me, the insecurity, the self abhorrence appeased and I felt loved, I was shining, and smiling all the time. And I couldn't stop talking about GOD. Then came my Christian experiences with churches and also in street preaching..... If you are still reading this ..... below is the funny story of how I got into the Bible before I asked Jesus into my heart... There was a mormon lady at work who gave me rides home, and who actually liked talking to me and appreciated my jokes This lady one day on the way home told me that his mom or dad died and she wants to know where he is. She asked my opinion about the person of God and went on describing her mormon faith in a God who is a man sitting on another planet.....for an ex-atheist who met God the real way, to me, it sounded like another joke, and I could hardly believe she was serious. I told her that my opinion about a GOD is, that if there is anything above, or beyond GOD, he is not GOD, but the thing that is able to control him, that is GOD. Because GOD has to be all knowing, omnipresent, and without anyone equal. The GOD is, whatever is on the top, overseeing everything, and nothing should exist unless he made it....because whatever exists outside His control, is another GOD.....am I complicated? She still insisted that I get into religion, much less complicated and read the Mormon Bible. I studied art history for years and knew enough to look up the source, or the original if I want to know something about the inspiration. So I told her, that in that case I'd first have to read the real Bible, so to gather a standpoint upon which to judge the Mormon Bible, which came as a modern times inspiration on the ancient texts of the Hebrew and Greek Books of the Bible. She agreed. Now, as much as I love to write, I do not love to read I'd like to blame that on too many years wasted in school reading everything I had no interest in. So I asked my then jobless, eager to read anything husband to get the Holy Bible and read it instead of me, while I worked, so he can sum it up and let me know what's it about. He was happy to help out, and when I came home from work, he still had that Bible in his hand. He said, sit down, I have to explain this to you. I sat down, and he explained that Jesus is the only Son of God, and He died for my sins. Now that's not how one should explain salvation. I jumped up, while he was trying to make me acknowledge this, and was freaking out.....What? ... Now God's son had to die for my sins.....What sins? All of my girlfriends were 2x the sinners I was.....He doesn't accuse them for his death, only me?....Now I caused the death of God's son too.....What? The Bible-threat left after I asked Jesus into my heart. I prayed and read the Bible...and started looking for fellowship....Christian radio, churches...ect Then came the spirit of religion...... I found out I had to perform, fast and pray a lot more than I do, get people saved, be perfect, in fact be just like Jesus.....and even more importantly I had to give tithes and offerings...even if I didn't have an income...(which was probably because I didn't tithe). Then a sweet baptist girl came along who tried to calm me down by telling me that once saved always saved, we are sinners, stop trying to make others believe you are better than them.....I was really confused, because it was clear to me that if I don't work on this relationship, I lose Jesus.... and so I've been working on this relationship, but it's not getting easier. I think that our first love, the way each and every one of us received it individually, must be restored. |
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